Random Rants, Raves and Ramblings


-Girls! Are you ready to leave?
Frantic scuffling noises of hastily grabbed coats and bags fail to issue from upstairs.

5 minutes later. What are these girls up to? So far my wife’s strategy of slowly but noisily making towards the exit and threatening to leave without them has met with little success. The issue has had me vexed – until a week ago.

You know, I’ve always wondered what it is exactly that women do when they dally about in bedrooms and bathrooms while other family members pace restlessly by the front door fiddling car keys. But I only recently realised that, what with actually having women in the house, I could just go and find out. I’ve done this several times now and I’ve gotten none the wiser.
What happened each time was that just as I poked my head round the girls’ room door I got swept away by a gust of fully kitted up females rushing past, barely pausing to look daggers at me and growl “I said we were coming! You never trust us!”

This led me to formulate my Quantum Theory of Female Vestimentary Preparedness. Teenage women preparing to go out will remain in an indeterminate state of readiness until observed, at which point the wave function instantly collapses into an immaculately dressed and quite stunning apparition.

I’m expecting the call from the Nobel committee any time now.

Sunday 18 December 2011